FURMAN MUST BE DOING OK

[Furmanoid]

2019-20 was the last time Furman had anything close to 2,500 students. Reality is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow.

I love trolls.

But... Reality is hardly ever a bitter pill to swallow. Suggesting "Reality" is a bitter pill is akin to saying "the truth hurts" to self-excuse an insult. Reality is a tasty pill. It ain't Valium, but its good.

2,500 for total student enrollment is a solid number. The way I'd change the student body is not make it larger, but more attracted to football and basketball. You know, the important stuff.

Some suggestions for the Furman Application form would be to add these gentle inquiries:
1-Do you like football? (If no, they are denied admittance.)
2-Do you understand that one function of the academy is to serve as a life-support system for the football program? (If no, they better have a dynamite SAT.)
3-Have you already formed hard opinions on complex subjects you can't possibly know enough about? (This has nothing to do with football, but we need a way to exclude the blue-haired gnomes that scream at people for disagreeing with them.)
4-Who could beat Clay Hendrix in a fair fight? (This is just to see how they think. They don't have to get the correct answer, which is James Tiberius Kirk. They could answer Godzilla or Dusty Rhodes and still matriculate.)

We shouldn’t leave out the blue hairs. We should bring them in and force them to go to FB games for CLP’s. One of the electives should be a 4 hr course taught by C. Hendrix. They should be taught all common O & D formations, how to trashtalk like rednecks and how to tailgate. Failing to get your mind right gets you a night in the box with an ill possum.

[FUBeAR]

LeeAnn. She can take him.

[FUTex]

LeeAnn cannot take Clay Hendrix. He only let's her THINK she can take him, like she's some sort of Clay Hendrix kryptonite. He plays some games, that Clay Hendrix.

When a student at Furman I saw Clay Hendrix punch a hole in a Bi-Lo cow and pull out a 24 ounce ribeye steak with potatoes fully cooked. He then milked its teets for a rich creamy mushroom sauce. It was delicious.

Another time we climbed the bell tower to see the carillon, but it was locked at the top. Clay Hendrix said not to worry, and he played the carillon via psychic powers. It was a Mozart sonata, passionate and full. We wept.

As a player Clay Hendrix had a hard time getting his blocking grades up because DLs would flee in terror when they faced him. Games were delayed to clean up the mess caused by defenses facing Clay Hendrix, which was mostly fecal matter.